I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think I won the penis lottery.
you win again, gameday.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
