I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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