Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
