i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
