Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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