$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
