So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
