also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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