Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
