Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
