Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
A bitchslap is in order.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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