That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
that's an acceptable place to lick
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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