I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
