the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
