You work out of a Hotel?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
even my farts smell like vagina
worst night to have a conscience
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
