At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
