since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
