My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
