Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
