Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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