I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think I sprained my soul last night
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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