I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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