Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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