Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can't turn off my feet"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
