he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
