Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
