the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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