i think my mom watched the whole time
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
