id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
