Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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