God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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