I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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