dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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