No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
