Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
