My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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