No stitches, just platelets and will power
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
