quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
