can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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