just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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