Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
