Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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