K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
try to milk me bitch
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
