sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
