I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
