New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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