he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
