If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
