I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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