I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
