it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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