It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
